Hopeless
by Miranda Panda-chan
Summary: Drabble fic. one-shot. Mulan's musings. She’d never get to tell him how they weren’t all that different, and they could’ve made it together with a bit of effort. And…and he was gone. Dead. Forever. And there was nothing she could do to change that fact.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: So to set the record straight—this takes place in Mulan II, where Shang has just fallen off the bridge that was totally sliced in half so that Mulan had a chance to survive. How sweet…Anyways! This is while she's mourning over his death. Just a drabble fic. Don't expect much more if any. And as always, READ AND REVIEW! **

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Hopeless

**By Miranda Panda-chan**

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He was dead. DEAD! And it was all her fault. Why couldn't he have grabbed the rope instead of her? He could've survived. She was nothing compared to him, nothing to compared to what she would be with him. And now she'd never see him again.

_I'm sorry_.

The words echoed in her head. Ricocheting off the inner walls of her mind, making the turmoil worse. Many times worse.

She'd never get to tell him the truth. She'd never get to tell him how they weren't all that different, and they could've made it together with a bit of effort. And…and he was gone. Dead. Forever. And there was nothing she could do to change that fact. And she could only sob brokenly as she looked at her friends, both new and old, sitting there with someone to hold them and comfort them.

She couldn't help but feel a wave of resentment bubble up within her. What did they have to be crying about? They were alive, weren't they? They had someone to love and to hold and to care for and someone who would love and hold and care for them, also. What right did they have to be crying? Shang was dead! Shang was dead trying to protect _them_.

And he wouldn't have wanted to die any other way than protecting his country and serving his emperor.

And she should just be happy she got to see him that one last time. And the anger drained, washing out of her with the rain as it pelted down on her, stinging and cold. She grabbed her sword, mimicking the movement she'd seen only a month earlier on a cold bitter day similar to this in a burnt and abandoned village littered with the bodies of fallen warriors. She looked at her reflection on the blade, mourning over Shang and feeling a pang in her heart as the lightning flashed and for a moment, just a moment, she could've sworn she saw him staring back up at her from the cold piece of metal. Stabbing it in the ground she could only the call for the man who held her heart. Call for him even though she knew it was hopeless. It was hardly possible he had survived, and with the luck she'd been having thus far…she knew—just knew without a doubt—he had already left this world. Sobbing, clutching the hilt of her sword with all her strength, pouring out her soul into the chasm where her love had fallen along with the rest of her heart. And she stayed there—broken—until morning.

"We are ready to go through with the wedding."

And something snapped. Snapped back into place as something else completely shattered, and the tears stopped almost instantly. The sobs silenced themselves as she stood up slowly, with an air of elegance and something else about her.

"No. Your orders are to take of each other." The shocked gasps were something she'd expected. But she just didn't have the heart to face them, to let them see the shell of the savior of China. To see just how truly broken she was. Because she knew that wishing, and her whole philosophy of "my duty is to my heart" and getting her happily ever after was all just so hopeless. And she didn't have any more time to wish on about things that could've been, would've been, should've been, and won't ever be. She doesn't have time for any of that anymore. She would finish this mission if it killed her, physically or emotionally—the latter being the far more probable, while the former being another hopeless wish now.

"Shang's death will not be meaningless. And whatever happens…," And she just couldn't find it in her to tear the people that she'd become so familiar with over time apart. She couldn't bear to see another relationship filled with true love and adoring smiles and unadulterated _happiness_ shattered, smashed, crushed to smithereens, burned to ashes and blown away in the wind to leave only the aching remnants of the emotion lying in a small puddle in whomever's abused and broken heart. She didn't want anyone else to feel as hopeless, anyone else to feel as useless, as worthless, as she felt now.

"…I'm going to _**finish**_ this mission." She ground out, finding no humor at the shocked gasps of the six people behind her waiting for her to be the executioner of their happy endings. She almost felt insulted that Ling, Yao, and Chien Po would even think she could do something like that. They should know her better than that after having served with her in the war against the Huns.

But the only one that probably knew her that well that wasn't related to her was dead. And she'd never get another chance at happiness, now. At least she'd found out a suitable way to go about finishing the mission without endangering China of another war, only this time against the Mongols, said to be ten times stronger than the Huns. She finally turned around out of pure necessity. They all took a step back once her eyes were visible. Blood-shot and terrifying because of the sheer intensity of her stare.

It seemed as if she, too, had died along with Shang.

It seemed as if the great and powerful Fa Mulan, the girl filled with hope and love and strength---was now nothing….

…nothing but hopeless and empty.

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A/N: So yet another drabble fic. I was surprised by the feedback I got from Soldier—I didn't think that many people would read it especially considering how small the fanfic section is (no offense to anyone, btw. Just saying…) and either way, I was impressed by Mulan II. Not impressed impressed, because there was far too much corniness to really suit my tastes and Shang was completely out of character for the majority of the movie, but hey—that's what fanfiction's for, am I right? Of course I am. Yeah, I know—angst. I've found that I write at my best when writing angst. Funny thing is, I'm not all that angsty. I'm a relatively happy person (I'm one of the happiest people I know, actually) and don't like being emo. Maybe it's an outlit? Who knows….? Anyways—to end with the usual note---what'd ya think? Love it? Hate it? Tell me in a review!


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